At 19, I was introduced to meditation by my first yoga teacher. For a couple years, I scrupulously followed his method. Then doubts surfaced, and I began exploring beyond his teachings. A vast world opened up, full of various meditation techniques. With each new one I came across, inevitably the same feeling arose in me: perhaps this is the one? Perhaps this is the technique that puts an end to all the others? Observing my breath was too simple, surely a more intricate technique would yield more inner-peace. Maybe I needed to “balance my chakras”, chant specific mantras, visualize, affirm. Then I'd feel awesome! Then I’d be enlightened. Fast forward 25 years, I am not enlightened. But maybe I am a little, on second thought. Because I do know another technique is not what it takes to feel more peace, more joy, more flow.
Eternally seeking…something.
As we journey through life and seek to alleviate our suffering, we come upon teachers, healers, and their respective techniques. A bunch of them. It's easy to get stuck in confusion on our way to nirvana, forever searching for the best way to feel our best. But this perpetual search is often a way we avoid meeting life’s hurts and disappointments head-on. A dualistic mindset usually accompanies this search, some states of being are perceived as better, others as subpar. The result is a compartmentalized experience of self and life. No flow there.
Spiritual practices gone wrong.
In my opinion, when it comes to developing the ultimate spiritual skill of being present to life as it is, practices and techniques are needed, but only to the degree that we can let them go. For we can get very attached to them, and even derive a great deal of self-righteousness from being someone who practices yoga postures daily, someone who is oh-so-mindful, oh-so-positive, someone who eats vegan (the seemingly superior diet these days), someone who studies Buddhism, someone who follows this or that teacher, this or that method, someone who, someone who…Starting to smell like ego, don’t you think? Indeed, our psychological self (ahamkara in yogic philosophy) will hijack anything and everything to avoid its ultimate demise, including, and maybe especially, spiritual practices. Unconsciously, we may use those to soothe a guilty conscience, hide from our fears, cover up shame or anger with a layer of « peace and love », all the while creating a holier-than-thou spiritual mask that separates us further from the whole. Thus, practices meant to slay the dragon end up feeding it. Worse, it’s now hiding behind a pretty face, the one of a spiritual seeker.
True spirituality is not a technique away.
“True spirituality is deep listening”
What if all you needed to get more of that delicious flow state was this moment, as is? What’s the catch? The catch is a non-practice, you might say. It’s a quality of presence we can bring to each moment that is direct, honest and all-embracing. This type of presence has the power to weave all our life experiences into a unique, ever evolving tapestry of sounds, sensations, scents, tastes and sights. It fosters flow and unitive consciousness, unlike the technique-heavy approach to spirituality, which is easily misused and fosters a dualistic consciousness.
I'll let Daniel Odier, author of Desire – The Tantric Path to Awakening (2001), expand on this non-practice:
“To keep oneself sharp, lively and quick, spontaneous, and alert to the instant when things arise is considered the maha (great) yoga by the tantrikas (those who practice tantra) because the success of this small miracle of presence dispenses with all expedients, all techniques, all spiritual practices, all the specific yogas. It is supreme nonpractice, since in the lightning flash of the moment all becoming and all progression on the spiritual path are annihilated. ”
Odier goes on to say that this path is “neither negation nor transcendence”. We are invited to remain “alert to the instant”, whatever the instant brings. Joy, fear, pain or anything in between, it is our presence, “this small miracle”, that connects the many pieces of our existence into a harmonious whole. No more compartmentalizing, and yes to embracing all facets of our human experience. It's the ultimate non-technique, and can be used on and off your meditation cushion.
But is it really that simple?
Well...It depends. Do you welcome in you feelings of sadness, anger, jealousy, envy, shame, guilt, aloneness or disappointment? If not, there goes your flow. Do you believe that feeling happy, confident or grateful somehow makes you a better person than feeling crappy, doubtful, or envious? If so, say hi to pretend spirituality. The good news is you can change your beliefs. “Rising above” doesn’t always work. In my experience “through” leads to a more grounded, authentic, alive spirituality. To quote The Pathwork, as cited in The Undefended Self (1993, p. 268):
“Through the gateway of feeling your weakness lies your strength.
Through the gateway of feeling your pain lies your pleasure and joy.
Through the gateway of feeling your fear lies your security and safety.
Through the gateway of feeling your loneliness lies your capacity to have fulfillment, love, and companionship. Through the gateway of feeling your hopelessness lies true and justified hope.
Through the gateway of accepting the lacks of your childhood lies your fulfillment now.”
When you've tried enough techniques, and got enough so-so results, this “embracing the totality of our human experience” non-practice becomes very appealing. Give it a try.
Here’s to keeping it real in 2020!
Sylvie